I never expected that I would be one to get married and raise a family. I had boyfriends throughout high school and college but never really felt like it would even be an option for me to get married and have kids. I didn't even like kids until my sophomore year of college (now I am a nanny). Recently, ok so yesterday, my boyfriend and I off our relationship after a year. He is ready to get married and start a family, and although I have thought more about it, I'm still not sure if that is the life I want. The class discussion was interesting the other day and made me think again that it is okay to be single. I feel pressure as an only child to give my parents grandchildren but at the same time, I have to do what's right for me.

The Importance of "Single"

During our discussion in class on Tuesday, I was reminded of a friend of mine from high school who I think has probably only been single for a total of one week since the eighth grade (and she is now 20). You see her older sister died when she was about 12, so a lot of times the rest of us theorize that she needs someone to fill the void in her life and doesn't want to be alone. However, now that I think about it, I really would love to explain to her why it's important she be single for a while. (Ironically now is the best opportunity since she and her boyfriend just broke up this week). If I do have a chance to talk to her about it, I would tell her how it's important she develop a healthy self-concept so that when she does become involved with someone new, their interactions will be more satisfying not just for the guy but also for her. Our in-class discussion about this really impacted me to encourage others how being single doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Scary Chart

So on Tuesday we talked about if you have been with a number of people how many people's stuff you actually have been exposed to. That is so scary. In home town they always told us that douglas county had a highest percentage rate of gonorrhea. So this information hits close to home. Although this chart is scary it's really good information to know. Being safe is so important. In the book it said that varied sexual experiences was a good thing and that really contrasted with what was sadi in class about how having varied sexual experiences is not safe. The book makes having lots of "experieces" sound beneficial and in class it sounded like a lot of damage could come from this.
Knowing this information is very good to know and can really help people make healthier life choices. I'm really glad we brought attention to this subject from a different perspective in class. I think both sides needed to be discussed.

Ohh brother.

So, as most of us know the lecture on Tuesday was about SINGLE LIFE (cue music). And whenever this topic arises I have to roll my eyes sometimes. Mostly because I think far too much emphasis is placed on the rigid standard of people getting married. While I do believe in marriage for some, I do not believe in marriage for myself. I think people waste far too much time in searching for a mate or spouse. Time that could be spent doing something much more productive and worthwhile with their lives. During class, we discussed the IMPACTS of this decision and I only can agree with one justification that was pointed out for my choice. It is not beliefs or values, I am a Catholic girl, raised by a sound Catholic family. My parents have been married for 25+ years and are still goin' strong. But GOALS do play an integral role in my decision. There is much I want to do with my life and I just don't see marriage in it. I see infinite windows of opportunity, and marriage, for myself, closes innumerable amounts of those windows. I don't have a "bad taste in my mouth" from some past experience in a relationship, I have had some great relationships. Marriage is just not a big deal to me like it is to others, and I don't think it's a big deal that I choose not to get married (because many others choose to do the same). I must agree that being single does help self-identity. I often see others building relationships on some false premise of the "self", and this usually does not pan out well. Instead of hoping to be married with children one day, I hope to live in a bungalow in Bali. So cheers to the future!

Choice vs Involuntary Single Live

I think that the most important discussion we had on Tuesday was talking to people who are single but don't see it as a choice and opportunity for improvement. I have many friends who are incredibly disappointed by being single, especially since it seems as though there is a new couple getting engaged every other week. However, I think these same friends realize that if they really wanted to get married, they could drop the standards they have and find someone to marry, even though that person would be far from ideal.

At the same time, I have heard many people discuss the benefits of being single for a while. I know I have used time as a single person to learn more about myself and change things I didn't like, but I never realized before why this is so much easier to do when single. By applying the concept of homeostasis we learned that it is very difficult to change while in a relationship because you're attempting to change not only yourself, but how you fit in a pair. This means that you would have to change many areas of function and process in your life as well as have a partner who is willing to cooperate and understands those changes. When single, however, your relationship consists of focusing on just one person, making it easier to create changes.

Single and Relationships

I thought what we discussed on Tuesday was very interesting because I know all about relationships. My parents who are divorced practically burned it into my head on how marriage and a relationship are hard work and you have to put time and effort into. My dad keeps telling me if you do not love yourself how are going to love someone else. A lot of things that the professor said my parents have told me. That you should get to know yourself, your boundaries and what you want out of life before you get married. Which I think is very true and I'm glad we got on the issue that being single is all right but you can not stay single for long because everyone want to share there life with. It seemed to me that there a lot more negative point that people would bring up because a person is single.

involuntary VS voluntary single life

I thought it was really interesting in class on Tuesday when we were talking about the difference between being voluntarily single or involuntarily single. It intrigued me because it got me to thinking about my own life, and the times when I was single and those in which I was not. There has definitely been a time where it was my choice to be single, I voluntarily decided to live my life that way. But, unlike many of the reasons we discussed in class, my main motive was just to have a good time and meet new boys, rather than focusing on myself and my personal development. There have also been times, like the current, where I wish I was in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm lonely, because I just don't think that that's the case, but I'm definitely not choosing to stay single. Many of my friends have boyfriends who they do things with all the time, and always have that one, constant person they can count on. I want that. However, I'm still having a lot of fun living the single life!

Oops!

So I missed class on tuesday which I now kind of regret because this class was about relationships. This would have been particularly interesting to me because I am in a fairly new relationship right now and it is the first one sense the last serious relationship I had about a year ago. Nothing is wrong with the current one at all and I am very happy. I just think it would be interesting to hear all the aspects of relationships and what it really means.
Other than this I guess I can talk about the test we took last thursday. I felt that it went pretty well for me but I am always nervous about essays in a test. I am not the best writter and am not very sure of any papers that I write so I am kind of nervous to get that grade back.

Crisis

Last night my grandmother fell while she was at work and broke her hip. She was scheduled for surgery this morning. I arrived at the hospital early this morning, and saw family members that I haven't talked to in years. A few weeks ago, we discussed Family Strengths, and this morning I found myself thinking about that checklist. One of the criteria for a strong family according to that list was the family being able to cope with stress and crisis. Today, I saw a family reunited to offer support and love for my grandmother. It was quite a wonderful thing in with not so wonderful circumstances, as we don't spend a lot of time together as family. It really made me realize that no matter the distance between us, my family will always be here for me. I wish they would come together in both good times and bad, but at least I know that I have people around to count on.
I was trying to relate this situation to my future professional life. Maybe I will work with families who have lost a loved one, or families working around addiction, or teenage mothers. Whatever I end up doing after school, I have come to realize that most families will unite in hard times. I am going to have to develop relationships not only with the family that I am working with, but also the extended family, because they are going to be affected by my work one way or another.

Knowing Ourself

The discussion we had in class on Tuesday regarding knowing ourselves and being in relationships, hit home for me. I am currently in a six year relationship and sometimes find myself questioning where I stand in my relationship. It is true, if we do not know who we are, how do we expect relationships to grow? I believe that with age, we gradually develop more and more. If I were still the same as I was five years ago, I don't believe i would be as opened minded or independent as I am now. I also believe however, that we can continue to find ourselves even in relationships. Why not? My boyfriend and I basically grew up together. But I sometimes do wonder, what kind of person I would be if we were not together.
On another note, I was also equally disgusted with the "Stuff" chart Dr. Hollist presented in class. I don't think too many people realize those sorts of things. I guess I never think about it because I am in a monogamous relationship. It makes me think of the statistics shown on charts in hospitals and doctors offices. I believe that if we hung that particular chart up in ever dorm and college crash pad, STDs would dramatically change. oh, by the way kudos to Dr. Hollist for the joke about spring break in class.

Single Life

Tuesday's lecture was really hard for me and I related to it well. I was struggling with the idea of breaking up with my boyfriend. I was conflicted and trying to figure out what happened and what had changed. When we talked about what impacts the decision, it opened my eyes. My goals, peers, and context were changing but he was not. It was interesting to learn the advantages and disadvantages of being single. I was relating those things to my roommate who's relationships last a few weeks and then she is unhappy and looking for another. I was also shocked by the number of people and their "stuff" you have actually slept with. I told her about it after class and she sort of laughed it off. When we started talking about the self and who we are I started understanding what I thought was going on with my boyfriend and I. He waits on me hand and foot and would do anything for me and that's fine for a while but I was getting tired of it like we talked about. It made sense to me that maybe he is playing a role more than being himself and he doesn't even realize it because he is so wrapped up in the relationship. I can see why these concepts and facts would be helpful to a professional who was trying to help a couple or even a single adult. I never ended up making any drastic decisions but this class really did open my eyes.

Single Life-The Self

In class we talked about the stereotypes we have of people who are single. Some of them included that they were lonely, independent, had more freedom, were less stressed financially, and many other things. I agree with all these but I think it also depends a lot on the person. We also talked about the self and having a good image of yourself and knowing who you are. I have not been single in four years, but I know how important it is to know yourself and love yourself before you are in a relationship. If you don't know who you are and you don't love yourself, it's very hard to be in a relationship and have both parties be happy. If you don't know yourself you will feel guilty for something that wasn't your fault, and you could take the blame for something that wasn't your fault. In order to have a strong relationship and friendship with someone you have to have a strong relationship with yourself and be happy with who you are. If you are happy with your life and who you are that will translate into the relationship you are in. I am speaking from experience. It helps when you are happy with yourself. This information will help in working out family issues because a low self esteem can affect a relationship a lot and therefor hurt the whole family. I think the things we talked about in class and also what my own experiences are will help me teach and guide others into finding themselves before they fully give themselves to another person.

Sibling Relationships

This is my first year away from home and off to college. I am the oldest child in my family and have two younger sisters. Before I left home, I always thought we were close. But I can see now, how, although I am not at home as much, we have to work to communicate with each other. It takes a greater effort to stay in touch. And we are now closer. Recently my mom and sister came to Lincoln to pick a prom dress for my sister. With just the three of us there we acted differently than we would have as a whole family. I think that it is important for professionals to realize that relationships between family members change and that certain interactions between individuals can differ depending on who is involved.

FAILED BLOG

I got on this website to blog late, late last night, after a long night of studying, and once I submitted my blog the browser went to a page saying "this page cannot be displayed." My computer does that all the time so i didn't think anything of it. Well, come today, i get on to check the blogs and mine is nowhere to be found. Perfect, right? So i am hoping the Mr. Hollist will give me points for this blog out of the kindness of his heart, because i really did do it & i'm blogging for the second time in 24 hours!! Other than that, i thought the test was alright. There were a few questions that were a little tricky, but overall i didn't think it was all that bad. I'm just worried about how he is going to grade the essays! Ah! I'm nervous to get my grade!

Objectification

I am an advertising major so I've seen many examples of good and bad advertising. Objectification of women is something that has been around for awhile. One ad in particular that interested me was of a woman that had been turned into a pair of scissors (I can't remember what it was for) and at first I thought of it as more of an interesting design concept. An artistic piece so to speak. There are also ads that objectify men. We started talking about it in class and I realized how it could be conceived as inappropriate. While I agree that this ad shouldn't be used as something that a child should see, I also don't think a child should see the Vogue or Cosmopolitan magazines that it appears in. Some people might argue it is impossible to keep young people from looking at these magazines but I would have to disagree. My mom kept me away from them. Children watch the television and the news that portray women and men in negative lights all the time. While I do agree that the media can get out of hand, I also think it is our job as parents and caregivers to educate children on the importance of equality. Female models are very skinny and male models buff, which of course can lead young people to have a negative self-image. Children learn from the beginning from their parents and others immediately around them, it is often not thought of to educate children on matters like eating disorders, sex, equality at home at an early age but it is something that needs to be considered. This isn't meant to sound like I agree with all the choices made in advertising, I do not. I just think that we need to be aware of what kids see and very early in their lives be able to talk to them about what is not okay and how to deal with what they see and how to have an appropriate attitude.

Wake up, backgammon, bridge, dinner at 4:45, sleep: REPEAT.

One of the facts during mid-life that we had talked about during class-0, was the risk of routinization. And my immediate response to this was, "Oh, no thank you!". And the "routine" given in my title does imply someone who is of later-life, but nonetheless proves a point. This is that yes, many people do fall into some sort of sync by older age. My parents can attribute to this fact (although I hate to admit that...). My older brother and sister and me are all living away from home, and only my little brother resides at home currently. My parents are 50 and 52, and whenever I get a call for an update, the update is generally the same as always. My dad wakes up around 5AM and proceeds to head to work, returns around 7:30-8:30PM, eats dinner, watches T.V. and goes to sleep. His strict schedule doesn't necessarily allow too much of a change. My mom is a little less routine, but she never really does something too spontaneous.  I extremely dislike when my parents get into these little routine ruts, and whenever I come home I make an attempt to spice things up a little, which they enjoy. The same goes for my grandparents. This occurrence always gets me thinking about when I will reach that age. And although the odds are against me, I am determined to never fall into some boring routine. Ugh, how BORING. My plans for the future are already pretty quirky, so I can only take further positive action in regards to the routinization standard. And when I die, which will probably be when I flip my 'vette at age 90-something (kidding?), I will go out without any what-ifs! 

Speaking of old people, I thought you guys might enjoy this from CollegeHumor.com. It is from the section of the stupidest questions from students:

Professor: And this would be a geyser.

Genius: Are geysers really old; is that why we call old people geysers?

Professor: We call old people 'geezers' so no.

Clothing Advertisements

If I flipped a magazine open and the page showed a girl covered in duck tape and a brand name under it I wouldn’t be surprised at all. In fact I wouldn’t even think oh that’s strange. These pictures are all around us and we’ve all just gotten use to them. When we were little and saw images like this they probably didn’t make sense, we just learned to accept them and not think about them. Seeing these pictures in class was such a wake up call. Women all more America is advertising clothing and shoes by being tortured and many people don’t find it out of the ordinary.
This will really help me in the long run to talk to my future children and let them know it’s not ok. Children can be extremely affected by what they see, and if I didn’t talk to them about it they would think these pictures are perfectly normal. Just in the last few decades the pictures have changed from spanking women to keeping in a birdcage or beating them, what is to come in the next decades?
Knowing this will also help me professionally since I am a textile major. I would never want my clothes advertised in a way that is demeaning to women. I can’t believe other companies do and still get lots of sales. One would think that women by clothes to feel good about them selves and if the stores advertise abusive I don’t think that going to make them feel any better.

My Mother's Midlife Crisis

My mother just turned 43, and for the past 6 years, I had always thought that she was going through a midlife crisis. She regularly goes out to the bars, meets new guy friends, and dances the night away. She also seems to be careless about her money. She spends her resources on things she doesn't need, and never saves. Recently, she quit her job because she "didn't like one of the employees there". I had always thought that she was unhappy with where she was, and was trying to rewind life to a time when things were better.
In class this last week, we learned that the midlife crisis is a myth for most people. An example given in class was that some men buy sports cars when they are in mid-life, not because of a midlife crisis, but because their children have moved out of the home and they had the money to do so. After hearing that example, I had a new perspective about my mother's behaviors. Maybe she is acting in this way because she isn't tied down by a serious relationship, and both of her children are grown. Perhaps she has found a new freedom that was missing from her life.
As a professional, it is important not to fall victim to myths about life. If we don't understand or are curious about something, we need to ask the family what is going on and why. It is never a good thing to assume anything about a family. And besides, by asking and not assuming, we may learn a lot more than we expected.

Fashion Media Issues

So the other day, Dr. Hollist posted images that were taken from the media. Many were images from fashion advertisments. Now, I am a fashion merchandising major and marketing minor so these had a large impact on me personally. When i see these images, i always take into account the way in which these are made and the context underwhich they are created and designed. So my view of them is actually very different than the majority of the population. This also made me realize my skewed idea of these advertisments. After stepping back for a moment and realizing the kind of impact these images have on children really made me ashamed. I purchase several fashion magazines a month because I am required to be up to date on current trends and ideas. This has made me oblivious to their alternate effect. I am hoping in my future career I will be able to have an impact on the position of these images and be able to create a more positive view for the children of the future.

Gender in the media

Last Thursday Dr. Hollist showed slides of gender roles played in the media. When I scanned through all the offensive adds, I came to a realization. If I were to see one of those adds in a magazine or poster, I most likely wouldn't think twice. But to see all of these popular name brand companies displayed all together made me think about how females are portrayed in the media. Companies like BeBe where young ladies like myself shop, advertise a women inferior to men. One picture in particular was inked in my mind which was the women trapped in a bird cage. Now what is those picture trying to portray? That women are kept quiet and have no voice?
Being a parent, I try to teach my son that girls and boys are equal to each other. It is the media that takes my hard parenting and throws it in the trash. I see men depicted in the media as all strong, independent and intelligent people. Why can we not see the same for women. Nine out of ten times I see women depicted as sexy, skinny, tall, and beautiful but nothing more. It frustratrates me immensly but I continue to stand up for what I believe in.

The messages we send...

Last week, when we talked about gender roles and how we need to be careful of the messages we send, I was reminded of my 11-year-old (female) cousin who I nanny during the summer. I noticed that whenever we would have our afternoon snack, she always avoided ice cream or anything considered "bad for you." She would every once and a while sneak in a comment about how she didn't want to gain weight (even though she is skinny as a twig). Another thing that really grabbed my attention in regard to her image was that she believed it was important she wear make-up when she goes places and wants to look nice. And where these ideas came from -- her mom. That's not to say her mom came right out and put these exact ideas in her head but she learned them from her example. It's really sad that an innocent little girl would even concern herself with these things but with the media and society as it is, it's inevitable she would perceive things this way. This whole situation has impacted me to make a difference by talking to her about female media messages and explaining to her why she shouldn't take everything at face-value. A great example of this is Dove's "Make Over" video, because it demonstrates how unrealistic the messages we receive can be.

Sibling Relations Over time

One concept that stood out to me during a discussion about middle age was that of the inverted hourglass sibling relations model. This stood out to me because I have four siblings currently that are very important to my life. Additionally, my mother has 7 seven siblings, many of which are very important to her day to day life. I related to the idea that as children, siblings are extremely close to one another. When my siblings and I were all living in the same house, we were very close, but when I moved away our relationships became slightly more distant. At the same time, I think my siblings have close relationships with one another even though their oldest sister is not at home. As I get more involved in my own life, I can see that we are at reaching the beginning of the widest point of this inverted hour glass. However, looking at my mom's relationships with her siblings as well as hearing her stories helps me see that it might in fact be true for me that my relationship with my siblings will get stronger once we are all older.

When my grandmother's health started requiring that her children take care of her, my mother's siblings started working together to give my grandma everything she needed. It was interesting how the ones that were the most helpful with my grandma were also the siblings that became closest. When my grandmother died, my mom and her sisters decided to meet every month to exchange the ring that my grandma wore. This has become a new tradition or ritual in the family, and is really bringing them closer. Growing up, my mother was so much younger than her siblings that she rarely saw them or spoke to them, but now they call her almost daily to check in and exchange advice. Clearly, the inverted hourglass model works to explain this relationship.

media & gender

Last week when we looked at those few slides of magazine ads, I was amazed at the pictures. I have seen ads like those before but I never really paid attention to messages they were conveying in the background. I think people my age and older have been desensitized to these sorts of ads. In my experience, I've seen ads like these but I knew what they were trying to sell or show so the way they did it wasn't as shocking. Also like we talked about, I knew those situations were posed and not real so I've never really read into them like that. I understand that if younger children saw those ads they might be confused, think those are real situations, and think that life is supposed to be that way. However, how many younger children are exposed to these ads? And how many of those exposed actually look at the ad? I guess I was just shocked at what the content of these ads were because I've never really paid that much attention to them myself. I've also noticed that depending on what channel you are watching, like cartoon network for example, the commercials are targeted at the average age of the audience. I doubt many children would see ads like those shown in class on a children's station. I think as long as you monitor what your child watches, he or she won't be much exposed to these demeaning ads.

Gender issues

On Thursday of last week talked about gender and how it impacts family functioning. I thought the magazines were pretty crazy and they depict women in them. This may impact a child if a parent does not discuss their child self-esteem with them. I think this is important to discuss with any child about the magazine ad that we saw in class. I'm so glad that my parents raised me not to based myself off of the media and also my body image off magazine, models, movies stars etc. Also hope parents are not afraid to talk with their male child because it affects them too as well and I think most parent do not think about that when raising there child.

Diet Discussion

Thursday in class we talked about dieting in the family and the impact that it has on children. Over the weekend my family came down to visit me. I have a lot of pictures in my dorm room, some of then quite old, and others relatively recent. When I was a young high schooler I was about 10-15 pounds lighter than I am now. I remember when I slowly started to put on the weight, my mom never said that I was getting fat or needed to lose weight. She always told me to stay healthy. I can say that I am comfortable in my skin. I am by no means overweight, but I'm no toothpick either. I have two younger sisters and we all have different body types. I'm pretty average. One is really curvy. And the youngest hasn't got a curve on her and she's toothpick thin.

I never realized it til now, but my family has never dieted. Being thin does not mean being healthy. As a young girl, I'm glad that my mom and dad didn't put further pressure on me to look like the girls in the ads we looked at in class. This is important for anyone, especially today where anywhere you look is an advertisement trying to sell you something and putting twisted idea's into young minds.

Gender

On thursday we talked about gender and how it impacts family functioning. We looked at all the magazine ad's. We talked about how it's a mothers responsibility to inform the daughters and sons that real life is not like the magazine ad's. I was disgusted when I saw the ads. I cannot believe that people think women should look and act like the women in magazines. I am proud to say that the women in my life are not like that. My mother taught me that I am perfect the way I am and as long as I am happy with myself then I shouldn't worry about what others think. I think mothers have a strong influence on the views of their family. My mom is very independant and strong. Therfore, that is the kind of women I am growing up to be. Also, my brother sees women as individuals and not objects. I really hope that I will be that kind of mother to my children too. I think that families can grow stronger by taking about issues of body image. I think if the children are having a tough time then the family should address it together. This subject was very helpful in seeing how the media impacts families. I have only really thought of it impacting individuals but it makes sense that it would impact families also. In the future i think this subject will really help when working with families because once they feel better about themselves, they can address other issues affecting their families.

My family is opposite from the last post.  My family lived next to my grandparents my entire life (they both passed away but we own the farm) but they were my dad's parents.  We rarely saw my mother's family.  I talked to my dad's parents every day and I rarely talk to my mom's family.  Two years ago, the only cousin on my mom's side that I even talked to died in a car accident at the age of 19.  My other cousin told me, at the funeral, that she didn't want me to go to hell when I died.  I have spoken maybe 5 words to her since.  While I will still talk to my grandma and my other aunts, I do not talk to her or her mother. 

I realized from this how easy it is to loose touch with family and remove them from your life.  It is sad how that can happen so quickly.

My Family Lineage

In class on Tuesday we talked about family lineage and how some trace their lines of descent through females known as "matrilineal," some trace theirs through males and are "patrilineal," and others - like my family - are "bilateral" meaning lines of descent are traced through both males and females. I classify my family as this because while my dad's side of the family is mostly German and Catholic, my mom's side is mostly Sweedish. That being said, my mom always points out to me and my brothers how our blonde hair and blue eyes are characteristic of our Sweedish descent. Also with her side we often are reminded of our heritage because we have Sweedish desserts at family gatherings and whatnot. On the other hand, we strongly identify with my dad's German descent because we grew up in a majority-German community most of whom, like us are Catholics. Another thing that we joke about at my dad's side family gatherings is how Germans are known as beer drinkers; and sure enough, the adults often socialize over a beer when they get together for special occassions.
Having this kind of bilateral family lineage has impacted me to acknowledge what make my family and me unique in relation to our lines of descent.

My Grandmother

In chapter 14 I read that families are most likely closer to the mother’s side of the family then to the father’s side. This is also true in my family. My mother’s side always gets together for almost every holiday and I see my father’s side maybe once a year. Also my father’s family lives in another state about 8 hours away, and my mother’s side lives only about 45min. away. Now that I go to school and live here in Lincoln I have become closer to my grandma (on my mother’s side) because she lives in the same town.
I also read that grandmas are more likely to become closer to their granddaughters then their grandsons. This is totally the case in my family. I think know this information from this chapter will benefit me a lot, especially the parts about how grandparents help their grandchildren and how grandchildren can help their grandparents. Knowing this information can make me a better family member.

My New Ethnicity

I grew up in a single parent family consisting of my father and my two brothers. I had always thought that there was something different about me. My brothers and I barely looked like we could be siblings. My older brother has blue eyes, has blonde hair, and stands 6'0 tall. My younger brother has green eyes, red hair, stands over 6'7'', and is loaded with freckles. I have very dark brown hair, brown eyes, and I stand at 5'6''. My hair is much more coarse than that of the rest of my family. Granted, my older brother and I had different mothers, but we should share some common characteristics. Also, I had noticed that I am the shortest person on my mom's side of the family. Even my 15 year old cousin towers over me. I had grown up always feeling that in some way, I didn't belong.
About a year ago, my aunt confessed something that would change my perceptions of myself. She told me that around the time my mother became pregnant with me, she had been cheating on my father with a Hispanic man. Apparently, everyone on my mother's side of the family thought that I was this man's child. This boggled my mind. I let it build up inside of me for a couple months before I finally confronted my mother. I had asked her about this man, and she told me "His name is Luis, he lives in California. That's all I know, and that's all you need to know." This just devestated me. She basically lied to me for 24 years, and still hadn't come fully clean.
Then I began wondering if I should speak to my father about the issue. But then I realized something; my father had raised me, read stories to me, watched me at my softball games and piano recitals, taught me how to drive, and truely loved me. I decided not to say anything to him. I realize that there is a possiblity that I may be multi-racial, but I see myself as the product of my father- a caucasion man with a European History. I even embrace the "family motto" - English, Irish, German, Dutch, never did amount to much. And while the motto isn't necessarily positive, it is something we laugh about and connect with.
In my professional career, this experience will help me a lot. I will understand that not everyone is this or that, or even identifies with the ethnicity to which they belong. What matters most is the family you grew up in, and how you perceive yourself.
How do I perceive myself now? I am my father's pride, my brother's listener, my mother's babysitter, my cousin's role model, and my grandparents happiness. That is how I define myself. Not by the color of my skin, or the person that could be my father, but by the environment in which I was raised.

Authority Patterns

I thought the discussion about matriarchy, patriarchy, and equalitarian patterns of authority were very fascinating. I guess I’ve never really thought about which category my family would fit into until this lecture. I would definitely say that I have equalitarian authority in my family. I think this may have a lot to do with my dad’s profession. He works for the BNSF railroad, so he’s home about every other day. In this case, it’s almost as if my mom had to take authority because he was at work. Though, even when they’re both home, it seems like they almost take turns, but I’m pretty sure it usually depends on what they are being authoritative about. I feel like my mom is a lot more lenient, so my dad will take charge in a situation where he thinks she’s being too lenient, but even in those cases my mom will often get her way. Like a girl said in class, it may have something to do with my dad wanting to make my mom happy, but I also think it has to do with the fact that if he lets her get what she wants so he won’t have to hear the nagging later. I enjoy this kind of authority, and I hope to have this in my future family.

A Matrilineal Family

Although like most of the people in our class I felt as though my family came somewhere in the middle on the scale from patrilineal to matrilineal, I think that we are probably closer to being matrilineal. When my parents moved away from my grandparents' houses, they both ended up the same distance away from them. However, the relationship between my mom and her mom was incredibly closer than that of my father and his parents. For a while, my grandmother lived with us, and no matter how far away or close to her children she was, she was actively involved in their lives. I think all of her grandchildren sought her approval of things, and what she said was incredibly influential.

In my parents household, my mother usually has the last word on everything. When we wanted to do something growing up, my mom had the final decision on what we did. She doesn't make decisions without my father, but usually discussions over anything end with them both agreeing on what she originally thought. In regards of punishment, she is definently the one we respond to. My dad will yell at us if we break any rules or expectations, but he has an incredibly cheerful disposition at home, so it is very easy to get him laughing instead of yelling. My mom, on the other hand, is more frightening when she has been crossed and we know not to back talk to her because her punishments will not be taken lightly. This probably has something to do with the fact that while my dad is naturally a loud person, my mother is more soft spoken in general. So when she gets angry everyone knows she is serious. Even so, my dad still will make claims that he is the boss of the family, and my mom will laugh along with everyone else.

Family Lineage

Even though our discussion on family lineage was short, it got me thinking about my own family. I know my general heritage but I've never really noticed if it influenced my family traditions and rituals in any way. My mom's family is German; my great grandma came over on a boat by herself when she was 18. My dad's family is Irish, although I don't know much of the story. When I ask either of my parents, they would usually tell me the same stories.

When I was thinking about it a little more, I realized that every Sunday since I was little, my dad has listened to Thistle and Shamrock on NPR at noon. I grew up listening and loving the music; I even have some of it on my ipod! I have a bit more trouble with my German heritage because my mom is the only one left around here in her family. However, there are those certain German foods we have on holidays that we all love; and when my parents were still married they lived in Germany for a while so they have great memories to pass down.

My family doesn't trace our lines of descent through specifically my mom or dad, I feel like I have an even understanding of both sides of the family. I think it is important to know where you came from and understand where your traditions stem from. It makes them more meaningful and easier to pass on to your children.

Disney Movies Promoting Blasphemy!

Don't let my title fool you! I am INDEED serious! Don't worry, let me explain. . .

SO, we have recently been discussing single parent families. And ironically enough, while watching Toy Story with my sister, we had an epiphany! 

  Almost all Disney stories just have had one parent.

Okay, okay, maybe not ALL-- but think about it.

Toy Story- The little boy may have Woody & Buzz, but who sees a dad? Not I.

The Lion King- Dad=Trampled.

The Little Mermaid- I see no Mer"Mom" here.

Beauty and the Beast- No crazy inventor Mama to match with her crazy inventor Papa.

Cinderella- Yeah, her friend mice taught her to sew not her mother.

Snow White- Shoot, did her parents even get mentioned?

The Fox and the Hound- That baby fox obviously only had a distraught feral mother. 

Bambi- Mom. . . SHOT DOWN DEAD!

Aladdin- Jasmine could only rely on her pet tiger and single parent dad for advice. One is mute.

Ratatouille- "Little Chef" only had one angry father.

Pocahontas- Poor indian girl's mom, wasn't there for her.

One of the few functional and "whole" families represented by Disney were the Incredibles. And let's be honest they probably just grew up next to a nuclear power plant, that's how they got their powers. So we have a band of freaks, and a bunch of broken families. . .

Right?

WRONG!

Like we were saying in class on Tuesday, how do you "define" American culture? Just because a mother is the breadwinner instead of the father, does that make that family "Un-American"? Pssshhh, nope! Just because many of Disney's movies only show one parent doesn't mean that Disney is trying to parade around horrible examples of families. Precisely the opposite. These families are just fine. AND, they live in magical worlds where animals talk and gnomes inhabit your house. Just because the structure of a home isn't average, doesn't mean the function is chaotic. They can be healthy fictional characters in all their single parent homes. So, in the end, Disney isn't full of blaspheming fools. BUT DREAMWORKS IS! 

Kidding!

Who's In Control?

Family Authority: who is in control? This stuck out to me in today's lecture! The way my family operates doesn't seem to fit into any of the three categories. My mom is not totally in control and neither is my dad, but I wouldn't say it's egalitarian either. There are certain things I know not to even bother my mom about and likewise for dad. They each have their own areas they "dictate," but their "rulings" never contradict one another.

I'll admit it, there was a time when I would try to sneak around my parents and get them to say okay to things I knew better than to do. Let's just say I learned my lesson quick and haven't tried that since.

I think that it's important for my parents to both have area they feel they are in control of for the family. It's part of the way we function, and understanding who where authority lies is a good way to determine function in other families.

Genogram

Walking out of last Thursday’s class, I kind of felt a little uneasy about the Genogram assignment. As some of you have already stated, families can sometimes be very big. On my fathers side of the family I believe there are more than nine or ten brothers and sisters. Some live here in the United States and others live back in Vietnam. My mother has eleven brothers and sisters her side. The majority of my mother’s family I do not know nor talk to. In fact my mother rarely even mentions her family. It will be interesting mapping out not only my immediate family but also three generations of my mother and father not to mention my bazillion cousins.
As far as learning all the different symbols to correctly make a Genogram I am feeling troubled with it as well. I do not want to make the project seem too complicated or unorganized to the person viewing it. I know I will feel a huge relief after completing the project. Hopefully making the Genogram will connect me more to who my family as well as knowing a little bit more about my self. Professionally I believe it is important to understand and be able to read Genograms because with one look you can know the background of a person. I can help you understand who a person is by looking at the significant points in their life. Hopefully by the end of this whole project I can be able to look at a Genogram and read it correctly.

Single Parent families

I thought today's class was very interesting because it was talking about single parent families and I could relate to this. I happen to come from one so it hit me personally. I thought some of the statistics that was given were some what false because my mother has a good income for a single mother and the child support was just a supplement to add on to my mothers income. My mother also had support from my family (my grandparents) they looked after us a lot of my mother had something she had going on for work. I think support is the difference when being in a single parent home because I think the support pushed u through the hard time you may have emotionally and financially.
Another thing that I thought was true is that as a child coming from a single parent home I learned to me more independent and know that I can not rely on other to get things I want or need. Also it is not hard for me to take on responsibility. I hope we get discuss this more in class because there is a lot more thing that could be talked about.

In the reading this week, there was one concept that stood out to me, and that was the need for gender-role congruence in the family. DeGenova (2008) identified this as an agreement between partners' gender-role expectations and their performance. I hadn't really considered before how this is actually an important aspect to the "family dynamics." My parents always make their roles look so natural I just never really thought about the fact that it may very well be thanks to this idea that they don't disagree too often. It is understood that my dad is primarily responsible for providing for our family financially while my mom does more of the upkeep of our home and functionality. Their example of gender-role congruence has impacted me to seek out someone who is compatible with me in this regard.

I nanny for a little boy that is 22 months old. We went to the Children's Museum yesterday and I observed what toys he gravitated towards.
At his house he has many gender neutral toys that are completely developmentally related, color neutral, etc. For Christmas, he received a few trucks and tractors but not many. He received a doll because his mom is expecting a baby girl. He also has a football and a couple of other balls in bright colors. He loves sweeping and vacuuming and now has ones his own size.
At the museum, he played on the little trucks, with the dogs and with the footballs. He didn't want to play with the volleyballs or get on the big tractor (similar to the little one he has at home). When I tried to lead him to the dolls and give him one to hold, he walked away. He did big doll house that was in the glass case.
It was interesting to see him gravitate towards the things he knows and away from the things he didn't. He also went away from the toys he didn't like at home.

Social Learning Theory VS Cognitive Learning Theory

According to chapter three in “Intimate Relationships, Marriages & family,” the social learning theory emphasizes that boys develop “maleness” and girls develop “femaleness” through exposure to different influences, including media, parents, teachers, etc. Children are reinforced by modeling the behaviors of others of their sex. Children learn gender differences by observing the behaviors of others and the outcome of those specific behaviors. They learn what is appropriate and acceptable behavior of their particular sex and what is not. It also explains that children are aware of these gender role differences by the time they are one year old, and aware of the differences in behavior, play, and dress among opposite sexes by age three.
On the other hand, the cognitive developmental theory suggests that gender can’t be learned until a child reaches a certain age of intellectual development. It proposes that children first begin to realize roles and differences among sexes between ages three and five. However, this theory focuses on cognitive aspects like knowledge of stereotypes, and how to apply them.
I side with the social learning theory. I think that children learn gender at a very young age. With all the influences on the child’s life dealing with gender it seems almost impossible to assume that children don’t understand. Girl’s know that they are usually dressed in pinks, purples, etc. and boys in blue, green, etc. They understand that boys and girls are different and that they behave in different ways.

My Life Influenced by Barbie

This week we were assigned to read chapter 3 in Intimate Relationships, Marriages, and Families by Mary Kay DeGenova. In this chapter it says that there are many influences on kids to learn gender roles. One of the influences can come from toys, and toys that you play with when you are young can influence vocational choices. I can personally relate to this. I loved barbies, and whatever Barbie did I wanted to do. I didn’t ever notice this connection before reading a chapter, but just like Barbie I wanted to be a ballerina, teacher, and fashion designer. I never thought about Barbie being the reason I have an interest in textile and apparel design. Also becoming a fashion designer is a stereotypical feminine career, and the only careers Barbie had were also stereotypical. This knowledge is a direct connection to my professional development because I found where my passion came from. Knowing where this came from might help me find inspiration for some of the pieces I design.

Genology

I agree with a lot of the blogs that this project is never ending. I knew it was going to be a long process for me because I have a huge family that is complicated. I do not think that I could fit it on whole poster board without it being really small. I guess this will kick start me to learn more about the in's and out's of my family and what happened in the past and the secret maybe my family has. Also to learn about my culture, heritage and see where I come from.
In class I did not see those families as being complicated because mine is just as different and complicated as there's. I guess everyone has there own issues within there family and we could probably learn from other on how to deal with ours. I think this will be a good insight on understand the way we look at ourselves and who we are as individuals. I think family in is a reflection on how you may act as yourself. Hopefully this project will not be too tedious.

Ge

Genology: A Never Ending Project

Throughout my childhood I have been involved in 4-H. One of my favorite projects to do is on my family history. I have spent summers making family trees and compiling photos and stories about family members and our ancestors. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out that a genogram was very similar to a family tree.
A family tree looks mostly at how people are related and the dates of important events in a persons life (birth, marriage, death). Those days are set in stone you can't change them. A genogram however, also shows the relationships people have with one another. And relationships can change (both for the good or bad).
I think that it is important to realize that the genogram you draw for class may look very different 10 years down the road. More importantly, you have an impact on the way your experiences change and shape your genogram. For example, my family has recently been through a really tough time with the sudden passing of my grandmother. We were always a close family, but because much of my extended family, including myself, was in her hospital room when she passed away has fused us even closer. Sharing with them the last minutes of her life was both a blessing and a struggle for us all. We get together a lot more often with each other even though we are all over the state. Grandma thought is was very important to bring family together...and we joke now that she does it even more.

Function and Process

In class on Thursday, we talked about function vs. structure and content vs. process. After learning what each of them meant, I started thinking that function and process overlap a bit. Function was like how the family works, or the roles each member plays. The process is how the interaction takes place. I think the roles played by the members in the family help influence the process.

In my family, my step-dad plays the role of the main decision maker. This means when a process takes place, he has to approve and he has the say so. My mom generally stands by and either supports or questions his decisions. She doesn't tend to make big decisions unless she feels strongly about them. There were a couple of processes to go through before getting something you want. I would have to ask my mom first and then she would give me her answer, if it was no then I gave up, but if her answer was yes, it was always followed by "go check with Randy" he made the final decision. He was a bit more tricky to convince; I would have to catch him in a good mood. So there was a definite process to go through if I wanted something, and I think those processes took place because of the roles the members of my family played.

It was always very frustrating to go through this process and most of the time I failed at convincing him about what I wanted. I personally did not like this process of decision making because I felt like my mom was giving up her opinion and her rights to make decisions as my biological parent; like she had to bow down to his decisions. So, overall I think that function and process overlap since the roles influence how the process takes place.

Content V. Process & Alaskan Excursions.

Already a few students have posted about Tuesday's lecture about the Family Genogram assignment, so I thought I would divert a little away from that and talk about the previous lecture! We talked about Structure v. Function and Content v. Process. But what mostly intrigued me was the discussion on Content and Process, mostly when applied to recent events within my family. My sister and I have had this brainy idea for a while to road-trip to Alaska, and thought this summer would be an opportunistic time for us to pursue this grand excursion of ours. Of course, we could not just up and leave, so we consulted with our parents. 

Before I venture any further into the story, I must explicate how interaction sometimes takes place in terms of "process". When it comes to me persuading my parents, I have been the. . . relentless compeller. But my parents are no pushovers, they are quite stringent. However, I find my side of the arguments to be rather energetically conclusive, if you will. And as for my sister, she is very level-headed and a little less enthusiastic, but is probably more eloquent and valid than I am (When looking for approval). So, I thought, PIECE OF CAKE! I definitely thought that with my sister and I both tenaciously convincing our parents, that this event would not be hard to get a stamp of approval from the parents. THINK AGAIN!

So, with high hopes (and a winning attitude in mind) I called up my Mom & Dad, and got a very apprehensive initial response. And I do not go out without a fight. So within about a week, my parents received a string of e-mails and phone calls all pulling in the favor of my Alaskan Excursion. But in the end, I had lost. The reason I found myself so compelled to write about this topic is not because I may still be a little bitter, but that even though we had discussed in class how "predictable" family processes are, my family is always throwing me curveballs. Even though I can define how some processes have gone in the past, I often just attribute those characteristics to my "role" in my family. I love that my family is always keeping me on my toes, it is entertaining. Even if I don't get to go to Alaska. And even though my parents had good reason to not let me go. . . 

They will just have to wait for next time this year and another bombardment of persuasion for great Alaskan times comes their way. . .

Genogram Symbols

Before learning more about the symbols used in genograms, I thought that family trees couldn't be that informative. I had never really looked past the basic representation of structure that I had seen in previous family history charts. However, looking deeper into the different symbols showed me that you can learn a lot about a family situation just by the graphic representation of their genogram. Depending on how detailed the genogram becomes, you can tell that someone had a child while living with someone, got married then divorced, and remarried to someone who had a child from a previous marriage. Basicially, I really enjoy how things that seem at first incredibly complex can be organized coherently into a genogram.

Even though my family is relatively large, I am looking forward to creating this genogram and making it as detailed as I can. At the same time, I feel as though a lot of my family members would not appreciate me detailing their "faults" or the issues people have with one another. I think that when working with families, one of the hardest things to start off with would be honesty, because everyone wants to present themselves as being a member of a perfect family. A lot of the issues we can label through the established genogram symbols (such as sexual abuse or physical abuse) are topics that are normally kept private if not completely silenced, but if they exist then they should be acknowledged so that the genogram is the best representation of reality. What also stood out to me about these symbols is that while there are many to show problems the family has faced, there are also symbols to show close connections and areas of strength. I think a genogram would be able to show a family that has close bonds and positive relationships even though there are problems in their past, but I wonder how many family genograms are actually unbiased in the types of details they convey.

Genograms

I thought this genogram assignment would be easy considering I only have four people in my family. However, when he said we had to do all of our aunts and cousins I freaked out. I have 109 cousins on just my moms side! I have about 15 on my dads side. How am I going to fit that on a poster board? I really love being in a family that big though. We are all really close which is rare, and that means a lot to me. I cannot wait to see how my genogram turns out. I think it will be good to look at my whole family and see all of our connections. It will be weird to see what my role is in the family and how we all function as a whole. It will tell me a lot about my family. I hope that I learn some things that I maybe didn't know before. There is a lot of stuff in my family, however, probably nothing as weird as some of the examples that we talked about in class. Those families were very complicated. I guess that makes their genograms more interesting. In the future I think this assignment will help me out a lot. Working with famililies could get very frustrating if you don't know anything about them. Genograms will really help a lot to know their background, and it will be a good way for them to understand their family better and maybe learn some things they didn't know about their own family. Hopefully, their family wont be as big as mine is!

Our Crazy Geneologies

So when we were in class on Tuesday, we were talking about how to make our family genealogies. This seems like a daunting project that is going to take up a lot of time and energy. I am kind of excited to do it though. It is really fun to learn about all of our different family structures and how crazy some can be organized. I loved hearing all the complicated and confusing make ups.
While we were all asking our questions as to how to draw out the really weird relationships and situations, I couldn't stop thinking about how no matter how complicated they got we all could still call our little make up our family. There were people that had been adopted and then those parents got divorced and remarried and then there were also their biological parents and siblings. Yet each person in each structure still had an important role and spot in the family unit. My family is kinda boring I guess compared to some other people in our class. But that is actually very interesting in itself. We have our weird dynamics and functions that are kind of odd and confusing. So instead of explaining how my aunt is actually my grandmother or how I have 3 different mothers I get to tell people how my family deals with stress or how we each show affection in our own special ways with each individual person.

A Strong Family

When anyone mentioned the words "strong family" before, I had always thought of my childhood. Then, last week in class, we were given a handout about strong and healthy families. I was reading over the handout, and it seemed that a lot of the criteria listed did not exist for my family. I was one of three children of a single father, and he was away at work a lot, so we didn't spend too much time together as a family. We were often presented with empty promises, and vacations that would not exist. At some sports games and piano recitals, I wouldn't see my dad sitting with the rest of the parents, but I always knew that he would rather be supporting me in my interests, than stuck at a mundane job. We never were the typical affectionate family that hugged and kissed each other. I only remember going to church once with my dad. And it seemed that if there was a problem within the household, everyone ignored it and it eventually went away.
I left class wondering if I had a strong family after all. I always knew what was expected of me, and I always knew that my dad was proud of everything I did. Though we didn't hug each other often to express how much we loved each other, we all knew that we cared for one another. I guess what I learned from this experience is that every family functions differently, and just because you can't check off half of the list, doesn't mean that you aren't a strong family.
As I go into my professional life working with families, I need to keep in mind that some families aren't able to spend a lot of time with each other. Some families don't show affection in the way of hugs and kisses. And not all families deal with conflicts and problems the same way. I think that if the family thinks that they function well and are strong, then they are probably right. No one can measure exactly how strong a family is, unless you are a part of that family. It is easy to judge a book by the cover, but digging into it a little further will shed some interesting insight on just how healthy a family can be without checking off criteria from a list.