So, I think we all agree that Tuesday's lecture was awesome. Nice job Dr. Hollist! Anyway, the experience I want to discuss relates to the concept of spiritual wellbeing as a characteristic of strong families. We talked in class about how in times of crises/trials a family can either pull together or fall apart. My family has experienced death of both close friends and relatives, and in those times my family has proven to be "strong" since we share a sense of comfort in our spiritual connectedness. Although we maybe went through different kinds of grief, we were able to give each other piece of mind with the belief that we will see them again someday (in heaven). Our spiritual wellbeing carries us through because it focuses our love on those around us and we don't even have to think twice to comfort a family member who is grieving over something so tragic as death. This is important because experiencing death can make a person feel alone and helpless so it is good that we can confide in other members of our family to see us through.
This has impacted me as an individual because when I feel like the problems in life/the world are just so much bigger than me, I just have to remember who is in control and trust that He (God) will take care of it according to plan. The fact that I can say that and believe it is something that I owe to my family.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My Somewhat Strong Family
Being in this class has made a lot of things about my family make sense. I really enjoy this class and talking about everyones experiences. One of the things we talked about in class in the six characteristics to make a strong family. I think I have a pretty strong, but like every family we're not perfect.
One characteristic that my family is good at is time. In the reading Strong Families Around the World by John Defrain, it says that one of the best memories from our childhood are mostly likely memories of family activities and usually doesn't coat a lot of money. This is true for me too. One of my favorite memories is playing in the sprinkler in my backyard with my mom and my little brother. Now that I have read about this and talked about it in class it makes more sense to me. It's the quality time with your family that really counts.
One characteristic my family can use more of is communication. My little brother, Ryan, is 16 years old and is off in his own world. He doesn't really talk to anyone in my family when he doesn't have to. If it was up to him i don't think he would ever be home. I think after reading and discussing strong families me and the rest of my family need to make more of a commitment to talk to him, even if he doesn't want to talk back. I think this would make a big impact on my family and help increase other characteristics like appreciation and affection.
Knowing these six characteristic I think really helps make a better family. When I go home this next weekend I'm going to bring my strong families packet home with me and have my parents read it. I think it would help my family be stronger and commit more time and effort.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Family Strengths
Like a few of the other bloggers on this site, I also enjoyed Tuesday's lecture about the characteristics of strong familes. I would say that I have a pretty traditional family, I would say that in relation to these particular qualities we would be considered a strong family, at least majority of the time.
The first quality we talked about in class was committment. This is definitely a prominany quality in my family. My parents have been married for 25 years, and they're still going strong. My parents work extremely hard at there jobs to give my brother and I the lives that they think we deserve; they always, always put family first. The second was appreciaiton & affection. This may be an area where we aren't as strong as we should be. All of our affectionate contact is appropriate, but we don't have a whole lot of affection in the first place. We usually show affection at sad times, happy times, if someone is going away and won't be seen for awhile, or in the case of a home-coming. So I guess this could be considered "frequent & simple."
The third characteristic that was explained in class was positive communication. This is definitely one of our strongest areas. As for me, I can tell my mom just about anything and I know that she won't judge me, she will support me with anything and everything. With my dad, it's a little different, probably just because of the oppisite sex relationship. I still tell him a lot, i just tell my mom different types of things, more "girly" things if you will. With my brother, we aren't the closest but I know I can always count on him to be there if i need to talk. The Fourth, time together, is not the strongest part of my family but it still very important to us. Every person in my family leads an extremely busy and hectic life, so at times it may be hard to find time for eachother, but we do try to get together as much as we can. Though, when we are together it's like we were never apart.
The fifth is spiritual well-being. This is a big part of my family, i was raised catholic ever since i can remember; my brother and i both attended catholic grade school and high school. My dad, who was not always catholic, decided to join the RCIA program at our church to join the Catholic faith. They was a huge step for him and out family. The sixth and final characteristic is Ability to cope with stress. As i said above, every member of my family lives a hectic life, and even if we get under eachother's skin once in awhile, we know when it's time to leave the stress at the door and let we're out of other's way, unless we need help getting through it, in which case we can confide in one another.
The first quality we talked about in class was committment. This is definitely a prominany quality in my family. My parents have been married for 25 years, and they're still going strong. My parents work extremely hard at there jobs to give my brother and I the lives that they think we deserve; they always, always put family first. The second was appreciaiton & affection. This may be an area where we aren't as strong as we should be. All of our affectionate contact is appropriate, but we don't have a whole lot of affection in the first place. We usually show affection at sad times, happy times, if someone is going away and won't be seen for awhile, or in the case of a home-coming. So I guess this could be considered "frequent & simple."
The third characteristic that was explained in class was positive communication. This is definitely one of our strongest areas. As for me, I can tell my mom just about anything and I know that she won't judge me, she will support me with anything and everything. With my dad, it's a little different, probably just because of the oppisite sex relationship. I still tell him a lot, i just tell my mom different types of things, more "girly" things if you will. With my brother, we aren't the closest but I know I can always count on him to be there if i need to talk. The Fourth, time together, is not the strongest part of my family but it still very important to us. Every person in my family leads an extremely busy and hectic life, so at times it may be hard to find time for eachother, but we do try to get together as much as we can. Though, when we are together it's like we were never apart.
The fifth is spiritual well-being. This is a big part of my family, i was raised catholic ever since i can remember; my brother and i both attended catholic grade school and high school. My dad, who was not always catholic, decided to join the RCIA program at our church to join the Catholic faith. They was a huge step for him and out family. The sixth and final characteristic is Ability to cope with stress. As i said above, every member of my family lives a hectic life, and even if we get under eachother's skin once in awhile, we know when it's time to leave the stress at the door and let we're out of other's way, unless we need help getting through it, in which case we can confide in one another.
Day Care parent child attachment.
I also work at daycare and I think it is interesting to see all the family dynamics and how the parent and child interact with each other. Also to see that attachment they have with the kids most of the infant parents are the ones that have a hard to time leaving them at the daycare but a lot of the parents do not have hard time dropping off their kids at the center. As for the kids you see some of them throw a tantrum and start cry as soon as there parent gets even close to leaving the classroom.
I think this is interesting because I'm able to see how the parents act toward there children what is a right and wrong way to handle this kind of situation. Also maybe the dynamics of there family and how maybe one child can cause an uproar in the dynamics.
I think this is interesting because I'm able to see how the parents act toward there children what is a right and wrong way to handle this kind of situation. Also maybe the dynamics of there family and how maybe one child can cause an uproar in the dynamics.
Strong Families
I also enjoyed Tuesdays lecture on strong families. When I think about it, I can look back on my life and pin-point the times when my family was strong as well as the times when we struggled. My mother and father have always been very traditional in the ways they raised us kids. My father being Vietnamese, valued quality family time. He often worked up to 60 hours a week trying to support the family. Because of this, whenever we got to spend time with my dad, we always made the best of it. My dads work schedule didn't allow him to eat dinner with the family six days out of the week. We all looked forward to Saturday nights, because those were the nights we all could eat together as a family. During those dinners we would catch up on what was happening in school, work, friends, etc. Those nights I felt closest to my family. They have always been there to support me even through the times when I thought they would turn their backs on me. The way my mother and father raised me made me who I am today which is a strong, independent, educated young women. As a professional this has helped me to be more confident in the everyday activities that I do. My family continuously appreciates as well as support me through everything. At this time in my life school consumes my every waking minute. I am away from my family the majority of the time, but I still make it home for those Saturday night dinners.
Family Strengths!
I too found the lecture on Tuesday to be intriguing indeed! One of the variables that contributes to what are considered "strong families" is quality time spent together. This got me thinking about all of the different things my family does to spend time with one another. I am from Colorado, and four of the six members of my family are currently over in Denver, while my sister and I are here at UNL. Not only are my sister and I attending UNL together, but we also live together. We get along famously and always have. Regardless of the fact that other members of my immediate family are about 500 miles away (approximately...) we still find ways to spend time together. Even if it means that me and my sister have to drive the 6 and a half hours to get home for just a weekend, we will gladly drive the distance just for a long weekend. The internet has been a great use for my siblings and I to stay in contact. My younger brother, who is still in middle school, LOVES to utilize his advanced internet abilities to joke with me and my older sister. While my older brother, who lives in Vail, is always in contact with all of us via Facebook. E-mail is indubitably a great contact tool for all of the fam, including our parents, for simple personal news updates. All of these aspects have made my transition to college just smooth sailing. While we are at home, family dinners are a must. . . because they are HILARIOUS. Sarcasm wasn't necessarily a "positive" aspect of humor in families, but my family enjoys this type of humor thoroughly. Thank goodness no one gets offended, and we are all emotionally unscathed! Ensuing dinners, we still remain at the table, which is constantly filled with laughter. Afterwards usually ending in card games. Our family is exceedingly "outdoorsy", we LOVE to ski, hike, walk the dogs, swim (weather permitting), etc. together. If one of us isn't present at one of these activities, it most definitely feels incomplete.
We may have a slight amount of crazy to us, but we do love each other. We spend all sorts of time together, we've got positive communication, bundles of commitment, tons of appreciation. . . (and so on) The lecture on Tuesday was just further confirmation of how strong my family is.
Understanding the theories of what makes a strong family is very important to me as a student who plans on becoming a Couples and Family Therapist as well as someone who wants to better understand her own family. I was pleased to find that many of the components I had already felt make a strong family were included in these theories, as well as finding that my ideas could be expanded. What I would like to always remember and hope that others always remember is that not every strong family has to be composed of the same number and type of individuals. As a lesbian, I plan on having an equally strong family as my heterosexual siblings.
The component that interests me the most out of the list of traits of a strong family is the ability to cope with stress and different crisis. I think this stands out most to me because components such as time together and appreciation are a lot easier to be committed to when there is little stress or no major crisis going on. However when crisis occur, these other strengths are tested. It is interesting to see how having a spiritual well being as well as commitment to one another can help guide families into more positive communication when crisis occurs.
One example of this from my own family was when my grandmother died. During her life she kept her 8 kids connected by always being the central figure people would gather around. It had appeared as though my mother’s siblings were committed to one another and had a high level of positive communication because even though they were busy with separate lives they were together a lot and seemed to enjoy being around one another. However, when my grandmother passed away, my aunts and uncles seemed to drift apart. This showed that possibly the true bonds that were holding them together were less of a commitment to one another but more of a commitment to their mother. Still, eventually those who still were involved with the Catholic Church – my mother included – grew closer to one another by attending Mass together and visiting with one another after. Also this spiritual bond helped them cope with the loss, which decreased the amount of stress created.
The component that interests me the most out of the list of traits of a strong family is the ability to cope with stress and different crisis. I think this stands out most to me because components such as time together and appreciation are a lot easier to be committed to when there is little stress or no major crisis going on. However when crisis occur, these other strengths are tested. It is interesting to see how having a spiritual well being as well as commitment to one another can help guide families into more positive communication when crisis occurs.
One example of this from my own family was when my grandmother died. During her life she kept her 8 kids connected by always being the central figure people would gather around. It had appeared as though my mother’s siblings were committed to one another and had a high level of positive communication because even though they were busy with separate lives they were together a lot and seemed to enjoy being around one another. However, when my grandmother passed away, my aunts and uncles seemed to drift apart. This showed that possibly the true bonds that were holding them together were less of a commitment to one another but more of a commitment to their mother. Still, eventually those who still were involved with the Catholic Church – my mother included – grew closer to one another by attending Mass together and visiting with one another after. Also this spiritual bond helped them cope with the loss, which decreased the amount of stress created.
Babysitting
Back to parent and child reactions when the parent leaves...
I worked at a child care center for a couple of years and it always interested me to watch the parents come and go from the center. Some parents would walk in, hand over the child with a kiss, and walk out while the child headed towards the teacher or toys.
Other children would throw a fit before they even reached the classroom, but the parent would reassure them they would have fun and see them soon and get out of the door as quickly as possible.
Then there were the parents that would coddle, and start to leave, the child would run crying and grab their leg and the parent would coddle again. This could go on for a few minutes. When the parent finally got out of the door they would stand outside to make sure the child quit screaming and sometimes come back in the room. Of course, the child would be completely fine after about 3 minutes.
It was just so interesting to see the differences in parents and children. Not to mention the children that threw a fit because they knew that it was what their parent wanted. It was very entertaining and sweet (sometimes annoying) to watch. I can imagine how hard it can be to leave your child when he or she is crying, when the little boy I nanny for cries when I leave it breaks my heart, so as a parent that would be a million times worse.
I worked at a child care center for a couple of years and it always interested me to watch the parents come and go from the center. Some parents would walk in, hand over the child with a kiss, and walk out while the child headed towards the teacher or toys.
Other children would throw a fit before they even reached the classroom, but the parent would reassure them they would have fun and see them soon and get out of the door as quickly as possible.
Then there were the parents that would coddle, and start to leave, the child would run crying and grab their leg and the parent would coddle again. This could go on for a few minutes. When the parent finally got out of the door they would stand outside to make sure the child quit screaming and sometimes come back in the room. Of course, the child would be completely fine after about 3 minutes.
It was just so interesting to see the differences in parents and children. Not to mention the children that threw a fit because they knew that it was what their parent wanted. It was very entertaining and sweet (sometimes annoying) to watch. I can imagine how hard it can be to leave your child when he or she is crying, when the little boy I nanny for cries when I leave it breaks my heart, so as a parent that would be a million times worse.
Strong Families
I come from a very strong Catholic family. My dad converted to Catholicism right before he married my mom so that shows a huge committment to her. Both my parents made religion a big part of our family. We went to church every Sunday together as a family and then we would go to breakfast after. That is one of the hardest things to not have in college. My parents have been married for 17 years and I consider them to be a very strong couple. They make sure they spend time together whenever possible. They made a great example for my brother and I. One of the things that really stuck out to me in class when we talked about appreciation and affection is when I would leave the house my mom would say, "Love you, drive safe, watch out for the crazies," meaning the bad drivers. It was simple, but it really meant a lot to me and made me feel safer. I think that my family and I are lacking on the positive communication as a whole, but my dad and I have that down. We randomly stay up until 2 A.M. talking about life, God, and things that are hard to deal with. My dad and I both have really bad anxiety and panic attacks, so whenever I feel one coming on I call him and he drops everything for me. That gesture alone means so much to me and really helps me. I already said that we have a great connection with religion, but I think the real foundation of my family is the relationships that we have with eachother and God. My parents have taught us how to be individuals and have strong morals. They taught us to always know God, because without him, "everything sucks," as my mom would say. I also think one issue our family could deal with better is coping with stress. My mom's sister died a year ago of a brain tumor. She was diagnosed and then 6 months later she died. My mom still has not gotten over it. She has 11 brothers and sisters and out of all of them the one that died was the closest to her. She became really distant from our family and spent a lot of time alone. My dad and I made it a point of trying to get her to talk to us and be with us. I think she just needed some time to grieve. The point of this whole blog is to say that I think my past growing up in my home with all the things going on that I mentioned above gives me a very stong comparison to how other families might not be. I think that if I was working with families in the future I have a pretty good idea of what a strong family is. I think that I could help them get to that point by giving them examples and telling stories about my family. If my family hadn't been that way as I was growing up, I think it would be a lot harder to help families. This really pertains to what I want to do with my life, because I plan on being a Psychologist for abused children and their families. This whole class is a huge help to me. This strong families topic alone will help immensily when working with families of abuse. I hope that my background wtih my family will help other families in the future.
family strengths
I really liked the lecture from Tuesday on family strengths. Everyone, as a part of a family, is always curious about what makes a good family. I was able to relate to this lecture in two main ways. First, we talked about spiritual well being which also overlapped with coping with stress.
When my little brother was five, he came down with viral meningitis. My parents and the doctors had no idea what was wrong with him, one doctor even gave him medicine for an ear infection. After he couldn't keep down his food or medicine, had a temperature of 102, and a bad headache, my parents took him to Children's Hospital in Omaha, which is about 45 minutes from us. As soon as he got there, my brother fell on the floor in the lobby and had a seizure. After being admitted and diagnosed, the doctor told my parents there was a good chance he wouldn't pull through, and if he did, he would be severely paralyzed physically and/or mentally. We were devastated as a family, we didn't know what to do. My brother was even blessed in case he didn't pull through. He didn't even look like a little boy all hooked up to machines and wires. That's when my family turned to a higher power for help and never looked back. After a few weeks of being in ICU, my brother started to feel better and after about a month, he was back to normal. He pulled through with no side effects. I believe this situation made us cooperate as a family and helped us cope with our stresses and made us all stronger individuals as well.
However, the prospering family I belonged to didn't last long. When I was about 12, my parents decided to divorce. It was hard on all of us, especially my brother and I. My parents were accusing each other of things left and right. They wanted us to take sides. I didn't know who to believe. My mom gave us the whole "its not your fault" talk but that wasn't the issue for me. I was slammed with this awful surprise! I didn't even realize, as a carefree young person, that anything was even wrong at all with my family. I had always considered my family the role model that everyone else should follow. There were some countless nights after that where my parents would just argue and yell back and forth. In class, someone brought up that the families all seemed to run away from this issue and no one wanted to step up. I disagree with this statement. I stepped up, the best I could at 12, but I stepped up none the less. I felt like I had to take care of my little brother and be there for him and explain to him what was happening and not to be afraid. I am his older sister, I am supposed to protect him. I also stepped up and was the negotiator between them. It shouldn't have been my job, but it happened. I grew up a lot over the next few years. I don't feel like we stepped us as a family to work through the problems, because our family was severed. However, I think after the hype was over, my parents both stepped up separately in their own ways to take care of my brother and I and mend our wounds.
Because of these two completely different experiences in my life, I learned how to cope with stress in different ways, and how to be that helpful, supportive family member. And now, I wouldn't trade my family for any other in the world. My parents are both remarried and I love my step parents to death. After talking about the components of a strong family, I believe we have those strong connections, I just have two strong families instead of one.
When my little brother was five, he came down with viral meningitis. My parents and the doctors had no idea what was wrong with him, one doctor even gave him medicine for an ear infection. After he couldn't keep down his food or medicine, had a temperature of 102, and a bad headache, my parents took him to Children's Hospital in Omaha, which is about 45 minutes from us. As soon as he got there, my brother fell on the floor in the lobby and had a seizure. After being admitted and diagnosed, the doctor told my parents there was a good chance he wouldn't pull through, and if he did, he would be severely paralyzed physically and/or mentally. We were devastated as a family, we didn't know what to do. My brother was even blessed in case he didn't pull through. He didn't even look like a little boy all hooked up to machines and wires. That's when my family turned to a higher power for help and never looked back. After a few weeks of being in ICU, my brother started to feel better and after about a month, he was back to normal. He pulled through with no side effects. I believe this situation made us cooperate as a family and helped us cope with our stresses and made us all stronger individuals as well.
However, the prospering family I belonged to didn't last long. When I was about 12, my parents decided to divorce. It was hard on all of us, especially my brother and I. My parents were accusing each other of things left and right. They wanted us to take sides. I didn't know who to believe. My mom gave us the whole "its not your fault" talk but that wasn't the issue for me. I was slammed with this awful surprise! I didn't even realize, as a carefree young person, that anything was even wrong at all with my family. I had always considered my family the role model that everyone else should follow. There were some countless nights after that where my parents would just argue and yell back and forth. In class, someone brought up that the families all seemed to run away from this issue and no one wanted to step up. I disagree with this statement. I stepped up, the best I could at 12, but I stepped up none the less. I felt like I had to take care of my little brother and be there for him and explain to him what was happening and not to be afraid. I am his older sister, I am supposed to protect him. I also stepped up and was the negotiator between them. It shouldn't have been my job, but it happened. I grew up a lot over the next few years. I don't feel like we stepped us as a family to work through the problems, because our family was severed. However, I think after the hype was over, my parents both stepped up separately in their own ways to take care of my brother and I and mend our wounds.
Because of these two completely different experiences in my life, I learned how to cope with stress in different ways, and how to be that helpful, supportive family member. And now, I wouldn't trade my family for any other in the world. My parents are both remarried and I love my step parents to death. After talking about the components of a strong family, I believe we have those strong connections, I just have two strong families instead of one.
Monday, January 26, 2009
I have been on the other end of the same situation on many occasions. I have done a lot of babysitting and have seen they different way that kids react when their parents come and go. I had babysat for the same family for a few years and it was interesting to see how their reactions changed as they grew older. When I began babysitting for this family had three children ages five, three, and one. When mom and dad left the older two children would be fine, but the youngest would cry for about five minutes. I remember thinking to myself, " Please stop crying!!" The older children would be fine, but as time grew closer to bed time they would whine and ask how long til their parents would come home. Bedtime was special for this family. The parents would spend a little time with each kid before he or she went to bed.
As the kids grew older and the more I babysat them the crying got less and less and then not at all. The kids were excited to see me when I came over, but they were still excited to see their mom and dad come home, too.
It was important for me to understand that I wasn't doing anything wrong as a babysitter, it was natural. Kids should be attached to their parents. Once I had developed a relationship with the children they were attached to me, too.
I want to be a Family and Consumer Science teacher. Knowing about a kid's attachment is important so that I observe the relationships my students have with family members and how that impacts the students socially, mentally, and physically.
As the kids grew older and the more I babysat them the crying got less and less and then not at all. The kids were excited to see me when I came over, but they were still excited to see their mom and dad come home, too.
It was important for me to understand that I wasn't doing anything wrong as a babysitter, it was natural. Kids should be attached to their parents. Once I had developed a relationship with the children they were attached to me, too.
I want to be a Family and Consumer Science teacher. Knowing about a kid's attachment is important so that I observe the relationships my students have with family members and how that impacts the students socially, mentally, and physically.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
As a mother, I have always found it difficult to leave my children in the care of someone besides myself. As soon as I head toward the door, the crying and pleading start, filling me up with a strange sense of guilt. During various parts of my day, I would find myself thinking about my children, red faced and still screaming their lungs out. I would rush to pick them up, to be attacked with hugs as I entered into the house. "Mommy! You're here!" would repeat itself, causing me to smile with some relief. I would ask the caregiver daily, "How long did they cry for me?" She gives me the same answer every time I ask, "They were fine after about 5 minutes."
Learning about childhood attachment has certainly helped me. I understand that children develop an attachment to their primary caregivers, and that it is natural. I have thought in the past that when I left my children with babysitters, that I was doing harm to them by leaving them. In reality, they have benefited greatly. My children trust me, as they know that for every time I leave, I always come back. Also, for my son that is in school, he is able to achieve academic success as he is not searching for me to comfort him. He has a high sense of self, great self-esteem, and the ability to create and maintain peer relationships.
Knowing about childhood attachment is important when working with families. It may uncover some issues occurring within the family, and it may determine why the family functions in the way it does. Understanding the "Strange Situation" and attachment is especially critical for those working in a child care center. Providers would be better able to distract little ones, and provide comfort while the parent is away.
Learning about childhood attachment has certainly helped me. I understand that children develop an attachment to their primary caregivers, and that it is natural. I have thought in the past that when I left my children with babysitters, that I was doing harm to them by leaving them. In reality, they have benefited greatly. My children trust me, as they know that for every time I leave, I always come back. Also, for my son that is in school, he is able to achieve academic success as he is not searching for me to comfort him. He has a high sense of self, great self-esteem, and the ability to create and maintain peer relationships.
Knowing about childhood attachment is important when working with families. It may uncover some issues occurring within the family, and it may determine why the family functions in the way it does. Understanding the "Strange Situation" and attachment is especially critical for those working in a child care center. Providers would be better able to distract little ones, and provide comfort while the parent is away.
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