I never expected that I would be one to get married and raise a family. I had boyfriends throughout high school and college but never really felt like it would even be an option for me to get married and have kids. I didn't even like kids until my sophomore year of college (now I am a nanny). Recently, ok so yesterday, my boyfriend and I off our relationship after a year. He is ready to get married and start a family, and although I have thought more about it, I'm still not sure if that is the life I want. The class discussion was interesting the other day and made me think again that it is okay to be single. I feel pressure as an only child to give my parents grandchildren but at the same time, I have to do what's right for me.

The Importance of "Single"

During our discussion in class on Tuesday, I was reminded of a friend of mine from high school who I think has probably only been single for a total of one week since the eighth grade (and she is now 20). You see her older sister died when she was about 12, so a lot of times the rest of us theorize that she needs someone to fill the void in her life and doesn't want to be alone. However, now that I think about it, I really would love to explain to her why it's important she be single for a while. (Ironically now is the best opportunity since she and her boyfriend just broke up this week). If I do have a chance to talk to her about it, I would tell her how it's important she develop a healthy self-concept so that when she does become involved with someone new, their interactions will be more satisfying not just for the guy but also for her. Our in-class discussion about this really impacted me to encourage others how being single doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Scary Chart

So on Tuesday we talked about if you have been with a number of people how many people's stuff you actually have been exposed to. That is so scary. In home town they always told us that douglas county had a highest percentage rate of gonorrhea. So this information hits close to home. Although this chart is scary it's really good information to know. Being safe is so important. In the book it said that varied sexual experiences was a good thing and that really contrasted with what was sadi in class about how having varied sexual experiences is not safe. The book makes having lots of "experieces" sound beneficial and in class it sounded like a lot of damage could come from this.
Knowing this information is very good to know and can really help people make healthier life choices. I'm really glad we brought attention to this subject from a different perspective in class. I think both sides needed to be discussed.

Ohh brother.

So, as most of us know the lecture on Tuesday was about SINGLE LIFE (cue music). And whenever this topic arises I have to roll my eyes sometimes. Mostly because I think far too much emphasis is placed on the rigid standard of people getting married. While I do believe in marriage for some, I do not believe in marriage for myself. I think people waste far too much time in searching for a mate or spouse. Time that could be spent doing something much more productive and worthwhile with their lives. During class, we discussed the IMPACTS of this decision and I only can agree with one justification that was pointed out for my choice. It is not beliefs or values, I am a Catholic girl, raised by a sound Catholic family. My parents have been married for 25+ years and are still goin' strong. But GOALS do play an integral role in my decision. There is much I want to do with my life and I just don't see marriage in it. I see infinite windows of opportunity, and marriage, for myself, closes innumerable amounts of those windows. I don't have a "bad taste in my mouth" from some past experience in a relationship, I have had some great relationships. Marriage is just not a big deal to me like it is to others, and I don't think it's a big deal that I choose not to get married (because many others choose to do the same). I must agree that being single does help self-identity. I often see others building relationships on some false premise of the "self", and this usually does not pan out well. Instead of hoping to be married with children one day, I hope to live in a bungalow in Bali. So cheers to the future!

Choice vs Involuntary Single Live

I think that the most important discussion we had on Tuesday was talking to people who are single but don't see it as a choice and opportunity for improvement. I have many friends who are incredibly disappointed by being single, especially since it seems as though there is a new couple getting engaged every other week. However, I think these same friends realize that if they really wanted to get married, they could drop the standards they have and find someone to marry, even though that person would be far from ideal.

At the same time, I have heard many people discuss the benefits of being single for a while. I know I have used time as a single person to learn more about myself and change things I didn't like, but I never realized before why this is so much easier to do when single. By applying the concept of homeostasis we learned that it is very difficult to change while in a relationship because you're attempting to change not only yourself, but how you fit in a pair. This means that you would have to change many areas of function and process in your life as well as have a partner who is willing to cooperate and understands those changes. When single, however, your relationship consists of focusing on just one person, making it easier to create changes.

Single and Relationships

I thought what we discussed on Tuesday was very interesting because I know all about relationships. My parents who are divorced practically burned it into my head on how marriage and a relationship are hard work and you have to put time and effort into. My dad keeps telling me if you do not love yourself how are going to love someone else. A lot of things that the professor said my parents have told me. That you should get to know yourself, your boundaries and what you want out of life before you get married. Which I think is very true and I'm glad we got on the issue that being single is all right but you can not stay single for long because everyone want to share there life with. It seemed to me that there a lot more negative point that people would bring up because a person is single.

involuntary VS voluntary single life

I thought it was really interesting in class on Tuesday when we were talking about the difference between being voluntarily single or involuntarily single. It intrigued me because it got me to thinking about my own life, and the times when I was single and those in which I was not. There has definitely been a time where it was my choice to be single, I voluntarily decided to live my life that way. But, unlike many of the reasons we discussed in class, my main motive was just to have a good time and meet new boys, rather than focusing on myself and my personal development. There have also been times, like the current, where I wish I was in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm lonely, because I just don't think that that's the case, but I'm definitely not choosing to stay single. Many of my friends have boyfriends who they do things with all the time, and always have that one, constant person they can count on. I want that. However, I'm still having a lot of fun living the single life!